covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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