I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize