Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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