did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
