Dual....:-)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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