Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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