Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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