so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
