it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
