i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
