Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
