I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We were destined to go to rehab together
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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