just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
