Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
