k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
