just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
