I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
