I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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