This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
