You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
