maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize