Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
