Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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