She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
being pregnant is like rehab
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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