That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
