It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
