were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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