it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
