Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's blow job season.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
