I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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