you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
