so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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