I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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