we're chasing vodka with high fives
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Terrible idea I love it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
