the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Pants are for mortals
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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