THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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