nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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