i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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