Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
