pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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