exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
