did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
