just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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