I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
