Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
