Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize