Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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