I think I won the penis lottery.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize