Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
