I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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