I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
