I wish I could punch you in the face.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
