why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
ok first of all what the fuck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
