id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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