I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
