i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
