Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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