just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
