I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
