Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
