my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
