He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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