She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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