hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize