I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to align my fucking chakras
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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