Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
FUCK WHALES
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
