ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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