Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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