do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
