2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
