Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
